Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

I don’t think I’ve written anything since March, politically. I dabbled working on my book. I’ve cobbled together a few poems that all sound like desperate pleas to the universe to return us to some semblance of normal. I admit that I miss being miserable about the state of the world but maybe not quite so pressed about it.

In the months since I’ve engaged with this platform I did a little bit of joyful traveling outside of my comfort zone. My work life drastically changed For the worse. My already upheaved social life changed again. I committed to weekly therapy. I focused on my life instead of the outside injustices for the first time since 2020. I did a fuck ton of thinking. I stopped feeling wrong for how I’ve reacted, and continue to react, to the ongoing circus. Therapy gave me pillars for definitions for my Self and I learned how to make them solid.

None of this means I stopped paying attention. Essentially, in an era of untruth I needed to find my own center and work outward. I stopped talking about it to make room for all of the Other I was experiencing. I had friends who kept me in the loop on the major events. I kept an eye on my news bubble and all of the horror that was happening. I watched as we lost more and more ground. I watched as the media stopped reporting fact and started pushing outright propaganda. I waited for the people in my life to start talking about it more seriously, more urgently. I grappled with my disappointment when that didn’t happen. I felt so heavy at one point I was sure every time I took a step I was sinking further into the earth. I watched Charlie Kirk get shot in the neck.

I’m not an idle woman, and eventually my vapid thirst for information wormed its way back into urgency. I stopped sleeping. Why were people who once happily denounced politics suddenly posting vigil to Charlie Kirk, a conservative podcaster? Did they know who he was? Do they understand the legacy he’s leaving behind? Where are they seeing his death celebrated vs discussed? Do they know what Turning Point USA was?

At the end of the day I’ve stopped believing they care for truth. Their hypocrisy is so twisted and rampant it steeps and bleeds like tea. That’s the point, but it still hurts my head and my heart. This isn’t the type of zombie my younger self was prepared to fight. My survival plan has evolved into practicality. Into weighing circumstances. Into shifting importances on being prepared. These things are no less urgent than they were when I wrote about them before, I’m just sorry we have to go through it.

This is, still, an informational newsletter. I’ve struggled with what to say, both out of fear at times and a feeling I couldn’t inform you better than the other voices out there. I don’t want to talk about groypers or Fuentes or the shooter or the speculations. We may never know the true motivation. We may never know the facts of this case because fact is not a plane this administration deals in. We’ll know something, eventually, and its truth will be written officially by liars. How much we believe it matters.

My fear today is canceled out by a simple truth; that to allow my voice be silenced is how fascism spreads. It’s how it eats. Our voices, our labor, a tab we will never be able to pay. I wouldn’t be acting within my own values, my morals, to go quiet. I believe in truth. I believe in knowledge. I believe in stability. I believe I have a responsibility to engage.

What, then, do we discuss? Beyond my rumination, there are things that are happening. The fallout of the myth of the Right’s Kirk. Family man. Christian man. Good man. Turning Point USA, the nonprofit whose mission is to advocate for conservative politics in schools. The organization that was co-founded by Charlie Kirk and Bill Montgomery, who died of COVID in 2020. With both founders deceased it will be turned over to Erika Kirk, Charlie’s wife.

I could spend the rest of this going line by line through the last paragraph and why it is all ironic and alarming. I don’t know if it’s helpful to continue to point out the inconsistencies when all there are are inconsistencies. Kirk met his wife when he denied her for a job in order to coerce her into a date. She will take over his legacy, which has long held the stance that women should stay quiet and at home. Turning Point USA advocated for gun violence and against COVID protections. Kirk himself is quoted to have said, “It’s worth the cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the second amendment.” You can think what you want about that.

I understand the impulse to shy away when someone dies. I understand it is uncomfortable to hold two truths when something as valuable as a life is lost. I took no joy watching that video. It will stick with me for the rest of my life, but it will stick as heavily as all of the other instances of violence. Breonna Taylor. George Floyd. Trayvon Martin. More recently, Trey Reed who was hanged from a tree on his university campus in Mississippi. All people who should still be here. The second truth, that Kirk’s voice contributed to the loss of the others, weighs just as heavily as the first.

I wouldn’t feel so much vitriol if I felt like the reaction made sense. It’s clearly, if not fabricated, being used to take power in a way we haven’t yet seen. The Department of Education, in the rippling wake, has announced a partnership with over thirty conservative organizations, including Turning Point USA and The Heritage Foundation (our favorite background boogeyman). Vance, recently in Michigan, “offered” to send the national guard to Detroit. ICE is operating in Chicago, blowing down people’s doors and separating families. Trans people are being villainized at a national scale. ANTIFA has been branded a terrorist organization, despite the fact that it does not exist as an organization but an idea. An idea this country once fought for. We’ve lost sight of who we are.

I hope you will meet people with empathy right now. I hope you will aim to understand, aim to listen, and aim to be true to your own center. The things we believe in are real. We do not have to fold to this generated nightmare. It will take work to do that.

I hope this letter focused a few things or, at the very least, made you feel less alone. Stay safe. Protect yourselves and each other. Help where you can. The news is not your friend, so remain wary. AI is rampant, an invasive species blending into your social media. Fact check relentlessly. Take joy where you can. Reach out if you need to. We will see the other side of this if we continue to hold fast.

As always, feel free to comment or send me a message using any method listed in the about section. Talk soon.

AF